Love is already a complicated affair, at least it is for me .
In the Arab world it can be also more .
And not for religious reasons as one may think, when reading certain media .
Things get ugly mainly when tribal issues and family members get mixed in the relation .
Usually, engagements and marriages happen within the same circle of families, that is a tribe .
There are exceptions though, depending on how open the mentality of the tribe one belongs to, is .
Islam in difficult cases, when the father doesn't want to grant permission for marriage, comes to help .
If a girl wants to marry a boy which is not liked by the family, she goes to court to present the case, and if everything is fine by the laws, they can get married with the sheikh acting as her wali (protector) .
It is not easy though, because the girl will be isolated from the rest of the family .
In some cases she runs away .
In worst scenario relatives will try to stage honour killing as well .
This is something people think happening only in Yemen or Pakistan, but they take place also in remote areas of other countries of the Persian gulf .
So, often girls follow their fathers desires, because they know their dreams are almost impossible to achieve and they don't want to lose the family of origin of course .
The average Western reader will think that the father permission is useless .
As every Islamic tenet, its logic is that of protecting the girl .
When it is abused, it becomes a burden .
Speaking about polygamy, another issue frowned upon in the West, it needs to be clarified that in Islam it takes place only when required and under conditions which are per se difficult to fullfill .
And still this practice is abused .
Many men get married again, to show off their wealth or to have a younger spouse .
They do not even respect the rule to be fair to all their wives and children, so often kids grow up very uncomfortably, with a sense of rage against their fathers and siblings .
When it comes to marrying from outside, this is still very difficult for women, while the men's task is relatively easier .
The logic behind these legal obstacles, is to keep alive local tradtions and heritage, and also to avoid a boys drain .
If all were free to marry from out, most ladies would stay unmarried .
There is many discussions about westerners getting married to Arabs .
In my opinion one has to be oriented toward diversity and be ready to compromise and sacrifice .
That is the key to avoid bad stories which we often read about devorces and children of mixed couples .
And of course the lady must pick an honest Arab guy who will not play tricks but rather inform her of all the laws of the country .
Another reason why girls nowdays do not marry very easily, other than the fact that now they prefer to work or study, is mahr, that is the amount of money asked by the father, to be given to the girl by the future husband .
In Islam it has the meaning of entering a new life provided by the man .
It is merely symbolic .
Prophet Mohammed, peace and blessings upon him, married girls who were gifted just a ring or a cloak, by their spouses .
But today's fathers are very greedy .
Depending on the country and the mentality, the request can be up to 30000 euros and more .
And of course it is difficult to find such rich men .
So girls just stay unmarried .
And if their family's thinking is very traditional, also their younger sisters do not get married, because the idea is that they can go married only after the eldest .
I know all this can sound quite backward and cruel, but also here in the West despite modernity, relations between men and women are not that good .
I fell in love with a man of the Gulf when I still was not much familiar with these issues .
And yet I was lucky, because he didn't play games with me .
Sometimes gulfians are not honest with foreign ladies .
We met on internet of course, as it often happens .
Then we met in real life, during one of my trips and we started a relation which became complicated when I moved there .
Real life is much more difficult than the virtual one .
Oddly enough, I was the conservative between the two, while he was very naive or bohemienne, let's call it so .
A writer very much Western oriented, in love with life and dreams, could not match the expectations of a woman who was fancying the Arab blue prince .
I was not patient enough to wait as one of his friends suggested, and so we lost each other .
I found him back a couple of years ago, married to a young smart lady .
They had a cute baby (he has already three from a previous marriage) and we all became friends .
They are actually also helping me to sort out some troubles .
She is younger than me but very wise . She accepted the way he is, while I wanted to change him .
I admire her a lot .
I understood also how love can finish .
When I was with him, I was thinking great loves do never end .
But when i met him again, I just felt a great affection and friendship for him .
I don't know if it is because it was not the love with the big L or just love, as every human happening, can finish all of a sudden .
In any case, it just was not meant to be .
Despite the age, I am in my forties, i am still waiting for the blue prince, but to be honest, I am not very positive about it .
I feel like I don't deserve it .
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