Divorces

It is difficult to understand from this report how exactly education in Oman really influences the ratio of divorce .
It needs to be remembered that nowadays both men and women, are not only educated, but also travel abroad more easily, so there is a chance for both genders to be educated and more aware of modern life problems . And that explains also why they choose to have less children .
It is very possible that women with bachelors and masters, get married with men of their kind, and also later than they used to do, so they are definitely more experienced .
It needs to be seen also, on which range of tribes, the study was conducted and if in Muscat, or rural areas .
If mainly on those being reluctant to accept divorce, than the numbers can be low .
Still there is a significant part of men anyway, who decide to go for second wife, out of boredom or to show off, and their first wives do not oppose any kind of reaction, at least apparently .
There are many situations which up to now are kept in silence, because private life is sacred for Arabs and Muslims, and not all of them are pleasant .
But thanks God, education is indeed helping .

Distances

Many years ago, during one of my first trips to the Gulf, I was meeting a Saudi friend at my hotel, in Manama, Bahrain .
While we were sitting and enjoying a drink at a coffee shop in the lobby, I started to notice some strange movements .
Young guys came and sat at the tables nearby, and after some time also a group of old men appeared .
I was puzzled by the fact that my friend was much more interested in them, than in our meeting, so I asked if there was anything special going on .
My friend explained that the Bahraini Minister of Interior was at the table next to us, and he was busy discussing something with a Chinese delegation visiting in those days .
I was surprised and asked whether we should go away .
He said that it was not necessary .
I observed that if we had been in Italy, security would have kicked us straight away .
My friend smiled and whispered : "I know that, but here is different" .

After some years and experience, I understood what he meant .
Definitely royalty and richness are bound to certain families and tribes, but this is not a reason to create social gaps between classes .
This is something coming both from Islam and Arabic culture .
There's indeed a great deal of admiration toward people who made the history of the country through political events or by building commercial ties, but it is not felt as a sort of inferiority complex .
It is rather seen as a model to follow, a source of inspiration .

In the same way for example, it is the relation between families and their maids or drivers, mainly coming from India, Philippines and Sri Lanka .
While here in the West, despite being very respectful of their rights and wages, we put lots of barriers between them and us, in any Gulf country, it is not uncommon to find a nanny or a house cleaner, sitting at the same table with their family and participating at Ramadan or Eid celebrations or going with them on holidays, even if their services are not required .

I remember I was surprised to hear a friend speaking quite fluent Hindi at a shop, and when I enquired about his ability, he candidly answered : "it's many decades they are coming here for work or business . They practically live with us . The minimum we can do, is to learn their language " .

Of course it is not all gold as it shines .
Reality is made also by tyrant rulers and abused maids, but that is not the majority .
Here in the West, there is a lot we need to learn from Arabs .

Coffee time

I was reading a very interesting article by Mariam Nihal on Saudigazette, about Arabic coffee (or Arabian, as a commentator claims, I'm not sure about it) and this reminded of my experience with it .

First time I tried kawa, I was in the UK .
By coincidence, I met an Emarati lady I used to know through a chat, who was there for holiday with her husband, a police officer .
We arranged a meeting with her children, in a coffee shop .
Back then, I was not very familiar with some unwritten rules which regulate the man-woman relation, so when she insisted in inviting me to her flat, to know the rest of the family, I was a bit reluctant, as it was late already and I was having my flight the next day .
Then, after exchanging a few words with the husband, I understood : he was polite guy, always at the service of the family, and expecially of his wife, but he was very tough on some rules, which is why for example she had come to the meeting with her daughters .
An Arab Muslim woman (not all but many) far from home, cannot go around by herself .
And this is not just to oppress her as we in the West tend to think, but to give her true protection .
So in a way I think, this lady wanted to show me her world by insisting on her late evening invitation, and she wanted to prove as well to her husband, that also western women are good people (some have this misconception on the west, in the same way we have few others on the east) .
I remember during the conversation, he noted that for sure I was a good person as I had accepted Islam, but reminded me that wearing scarf was part of it, and invited me to do it, because I was not, at that time .

When coffee was placed on the table, at the end of the dinner, I was not even considering the idea of drinking it, as I am a great lover of it, but I am also aware of my limits .
Drinking coffee at night time, is definitely not my thing .
But then he gave me such a disappointed look, and who knows Arab men, knows also what I'm talking about, that I suddenly took a couple of sips and he smiled happy .
Some years after, I learned that rejecting food when invited to an Arab house, is really a great offense and it is taken as a sign of mistrust .
There is an episode in the Quran, when the angels visit prophet Ibrahim and refuse to take the meat, which gives very much the idea ("he felt some mistrust of them") .
It was a strange coffeee, of a yellow colour, not with the taste I used to know .
Good and strong .
They also explained me how it is done .
I was so happy to have found my way with them, that I was not even angry because that night I did not sleep at all . Just raised from bed at five am and ran straight away to the airport .
Kawa definitely is for strong people .

I had a further occasion to realize this, when few years later I moved to the Persian gulf .
I didn't bring my coffee machine there, and soon became accustomed to the American coffee .
Nescafe has a huge market over there .
I became so addicted to it, that even now that I'm back to Europe and to my old habits, I keep doing well with it .
On my first Ramadan, the lady who helped me in the house, left the dinner ready in the kitchen, with coffee as well .
She explained it was extremely energetic . It was good both for the beginning of the fast and at the end, as it helped to go through the day without eating and at the end when just tired .
Drink it madame, she said, all Arabs drink it and like it too much .
And so I did .
Back then I was not aware of the fact that given my family history with gastro-esophageal reflux, I was doomed to it .
And so I started having palpitations and burnings for some days .
I was thinking about heart problems but when I went to hospital, the doctor smiled and understood the problem immediately .
He said that reflux was the main cause for people going there on the first days of Ramadan .
Taught me how to prepare the stomach well before fast, what and how to eat after, and most important, that it was maybe preferable for me not to drink kawa, which he explained, was a kind of bomb for my stomach .
So I had to quit almost completely that lovely aromatic coffee and every time I visited friend I just brought as excuse some patologic condition in order not to disappoint them .

But really I miss Arabic or Arabian kawa .